I remember how it felt so clearly. I was sitting in an office at a funeral home. I had just signed a piece of paper to approve my firstborn son’s cremation. A page that allowed my son’s body to be turned to ash in an instant. It was a terrible feeling. I was making decisions… Continue reading One More Time
I just lost it over a bottle of hand sanitizer. I was cleaning the bathroom and moved the bottle aside so I could scrub the sink. I bought the sanitizer back in December. Because I would be delivering a brand new baby during flu season. I was so careful to make sure he stayed healthy.… Continue reading Liam vs. RSV
I ordered an urn today. I never imagined I would be doing this again. Grieving. Again. Picking out an urn. Again. Signing orders for a death certificate. Again. Emptying the clothes from the changing table. Again. Sobbing these deep, uncontrollable sobs. Again. Feeling empty inside. Again Dealing with the empty arm ache. Again. Adjusting to… Continue reading Again.
Since Lincoln’s first birthday, we have been planning a photo shoot with my best friend/personal photographer. Link’s birthday falls in winter, and we had a lot of unlucky, rainy weekends. Finally, after months of failed attempts, we are able to present our family photos! The moment that we set Lincoln’s urn out for a picture,… Continue reading Family Photos
Dear Lincoln, This week we announced that you are going to be a big brother. It was a little bit early to share, but your daddy and I really want to remain hopeful. This is pretty scary for us. Everything was so much simpler when you were growing in my belly. But I’m trying to… Continue reading To my Firstborn
It can be so difficult to find the words. How do you explain what it feels like to carry on living without your child? Without a part of you. Without the life that you carried and birthed. Without someone who you love more than any other. I don’t have another living child to give this… Continue reading Lost
**This post contains profanity. Sorry, grandma** Ever since I was a kid, I felt guilty if a “bad word” left my lips. I was raised in a conservative, religious household. We were not to use naughty words. As I got older, I continued with this philosophy, for my own reasons. To me, vulgar language is… Continue reading An Angry Post
2016 seems to have been difficult for a lot of people. It has sure been a hard one for me. I ended 2015 in the worst way possible: I lost my son. I also ended 2015 in the very best way possible: I got to meet my son, and hold him in my arms. In… Continue reading The New Year
Today is a hard day. There is no reason for this day to be harder than any other day. It’s not a holiday or a birthday. It’s not an anniversary or a special occasion. It is just a day. But on this day, my heart is aching. On this day, the Lincoln-shaped hole in my… Continue reading The Hard Days
One Year…. It doesn’t seem possible. Life has kept moving at its usual, steady pace; even though I dragged my feet through part of the year. It was hard to go back to real life, accepting that this is our truth. We have no choice but to move on without you. We are moving on;… Continue reading One Year- Messages from Mom and Dad
