The little things can stir so much inside me. I was driving home. A mom was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for her light. Her 8 year old daughter was standing next to her, talking away. Her baby was in a stroller, the sun directly in her eyes. The wheels were angled toward the busy… Continue reading Life is Unfair
I have some mixed feelings about the term “Rainbow Baby.” For those of you who don’t know, a Rainbow Baby is a baby born after miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The term is pretty simple: A rainbow appears after a storm. It is a symbol of hope and better times to come. It cannot change… Continue reading Waiting for the Rainbow
How is it possible that so much time has passed? The wounds feel so fresh, so new. Lately, I’ve felt so many beautiful things coming alive within me. But today, on the 22nd, I ache. I miss you so much, my precious baby. You should be doing so many amazing things. You should be crawling… Continue reading 9 Months
I was sitting on the floor, with my back up against his crib, clutching his tiny newborn outfit to my chest. Tears fell heavily and loud sobs echoed through the empty room. This nursery was so beautiful; but without him, it’s just a room. I took a couple of days to prepare myself before… Continue reading The Room
“So did you guys have your baby?” Her voice was filled with excitement. I had been waiting for this question. We visited this little Mexican food restaurant frequently. It was right around the corner from our house. She had seen my belly. She had made conversation. I knew it was only a matter of time… Continue reading No Good Reason
On December 24th of last year, my husband and I got in my mom’s truck so she could take us home from the hospital. The drive was short, but felt incredibly long. I remember staring down at my arms. Empty. They felt heavy. Like dead weight with no purpose…. “There is, I am convinced, no… Continue reading Empty Arms
It was memorial day weekend. My husband and I made the 2-hour drive to our hometown for a barbeque with my family. My mom had planned a water gun war. We were a little apprehensive. Family get togethers can be a little bit sad, because a part of the family isn’t there. Link is a… Continue reading The Missing Cousin
I was lying in the hospital bed, pumped full of pain medications on December 23rd: the day after losing him, when my husband said, “I want to get a tattoo of his name.” I was a little surprised. Over the years, my husband and I have not spent very much time arguing. The one topic… Continue reading Pieces of You
It’s true what they say about grief: once you’ve lost someone, your life will always be separated into two categories. It will have a Before and it will have an After. It’s a strange separation. It’s hard to remember things clearly from before I lost Lincoln. Things feel a little fuzzy, including my pregnancy. It… Continue reading Before and After
It can happen anywhere, at any unexpected time. There are a number of things that can alter my mood, bringing me to a sad, dark place; but the biggest is the sound of a newborn cry. It was a perfectly pleasant day. I was out with my husband. Sunday is our Together Day. We… Continue reading The Trigger
Missing Link & Liam 