“So did you guys have your baby?” Her voice was filled with excitement. I had been waiting for this question. We visited this little Mexican food restaurant frequently. It was right around the corner from our house. She had seen my belly. She had made conversation. I knew it was only a matter of time… Continue reading No Good Reason
On December 24th of last year, my husband and I got in my mom’s truck so she could take us home from the hospital. The drive was short, but felt incredibly long. I remember staring down at my arms. Empty. They felt heavy. Like dead weight with no purpose…. “There is, I am convinced, no… Continue reading Empty Arms
It was memorial day weekend. My husband and I made the 2-hour drive to our hometown for a barbeque with my family. My mom had planned a water gun war. We were a little apprehensive. Family get togethers can be a little bit sad, because a part of the family isn’t there. Link is a… Continue reading The Missing Cousin
I was lying in the hospital bed, pumped full of pain medications on December 23rd: the day after losing him, when my husband said, “I want to get a tattoo of his name.” I was a little surprised. Over the years, my husband and I have not spent very much time arguing. The one topic… Continue reading Pieces of You
It’s true what they say about grief: once you’ve lost someone, your life will always be separated into two categories. It will have a Before and it will have an After. It’s a strange separation. It’s hard to remember things clearly from before I lost Lincoln. Things feel a little fuzzy, including my pregnancy. It… Continue reading Before and After
It can happen anywhere, at any unexpected time. There are a number of things that can alter my mood, bringing me to a sad, dark place; but the biggest is the sound of a newborn cry. It was a perfectly pleasant day. I was out with my husband. Sunday is our Together Day. We… Continue reading The Trigger
A couple weeks after I got out of the hospital, I started hearing this question a lot, “Is it going to be hard to go back to work with all those kids?” I am a preschool teacher, but I work in a small childcare with a couple of babies and toddlers in the other… Continue reading Ms. Janelle’s Baby in Heaven
The first day of September brought me heaviness. I could feel is coming: Autumn. It brings the change of weather. It brings me one season closer to the holidays, and to one year since losing a piece of myself. In previous years, September would already mean humming Christmas carols as I bake pumpkin bread; just… Continue reading It Feels Like Fall
If you could change one thing about your grief, what would it be? Last month I attended my first grief support group. I was incredibly nervous. It wasn’t specific to baby loss and I wasn’t sure if I’d feel comfortable airing out my feelings. I was in tears before even walking inside. That day,… Continue reading What I Would Change
It’s something I didn’t think of. I wasn’t expecting it. The first time it happened, it knocked the wind out of me and left me curled up on the couch in tears. Like so many moms, when I found out that I was pregnant, I signed up for weekly emails about the growth of… Continue reading I’ve Been Banned from Checking the Mail
Missing Link & Liam 