I ordered an urn today. I never imagined I would be doing this again. Grieving. Again. Picking out an urn. Again. Signing orders for a death certificate. Again. Emptying the clothes from the changing table. Again. Sobbing these deep, uncontrollable sobs. Again. Feeling empty inside. Again Dealing with the empty arm ache. Again. Adjusting to… Continue reading Again.
October is awareness month for so many organizations. Listening to the radio yesterday, I heard ads for donating to breast cancer awareness and mental health awareness. There are many others. But the one that is often forgotten on the widespread level: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. There is something taboo about baby loss. It makes… Continue reading PAIL Awareness 2017
I know the blog has been pretty quiet lately. Getting through this pregnancy with Lincoln’s little brother, has been an exhausting task. There have been so many things I have wanted to say about Pregnancy After Loss, but I have struggled to find the words. I have also kept pretty quiet about grief, in general.… Continue reading Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness 2017
Since Lincoln’s first birthday, we have been planning a photo shoot with my best friend/personal photographer. Link’s birthday falls in winter, and we had a lot of unlucky, rainy weekends. Finally, after months of failed attempts, we are able to present our family photos! The moment that we set Lincoln’s urn out for a picture,… Continue reading Family Photos
Dear Lincoln, This week we announced that you are going to be a big brother. It was a little bit early to share, but your daddy and I really want to remain hopeful. This is pretty scary for us. Everything was so much simpler when you were growing in my belly. But I’m trying to… Continue reading To my Firstborn
This is new. This is surreal. This is incredibly scary. Pregnancy After Loss. Since Lincoln died, it no longer feels like a pregnancy guarantees that a baby will be in my arms 9 months from now. On March 22nd, a little pink strip told me what I already knew deep down in my gut. First… Continue reading Big Brother Lincoln
In Lincoln’s third trimester, I really believed that I would never want to be pregnant again. Pregnancy is truly uncomfortable, and I didn’t care for it. When I ended up on bed rest, that feeling was amplified. I was put on a medication to stop early contractions, and they made me absolutely miserable. I got… Continue reading TTC After Loss
You know that gut feeling? You get it when you’re forgetting something. You get it when it seems like something must be wrong, or when something bad is going to happen. Is the coffee pot still on? Did you forget to turn off the oven? Did you drive to work without your wallet? Maybe you… Continue reading The Feeling
It can be so difficult to find the words. How do you explain what it feels like to carry on living without your child? Without a part of you. Without the life that you carried and birthed. Without someone who you love more than any other. I don’t have another living child to give this… Continue reading Lost
**This post contains profanity. Sorry, grandma** Ever since I was a kid, I felt guilty if a “bad word” left my lips. I was raised in a conservative, religious household. We were not to use naughty words. As I got older, I continued with this philosophy, for my own reasons. To me, vulgar language is… Continue reading An Angry Post
