On December 24th of last year, my husband and I got in my mom’s truck so she could take us home from the hospital. The drive was short, but felt incredibly long. I remember staring down at my arms. Empty. They felt heavy. Like dead weight with no purpose…. “There is, I am convinced, no… Continue reading Empty Arms
It was memorial day weekend. My husband and I made the 2-hour drive to our hometown for a barbeque with my family. My mom had planned a water gun war. We were a little apprehensive. Family get togethers can be a little bit sad, because a part of the family isn’t there. Link is a… Continue reading The Missing Cousin
It’s true what they say about grief: once you’ve lost someone, your life will always be separated into two categories. It will have a Before and it will have an After. It’s a strange separation. It’s hard to remember things clearly from before I lost Lincoln. Things feel a little fuzzy, including my pregnancy. It… Continue reading Before and After
It can happen anywhere, at any unexpected time. There are a number of things that can alter my mood, bringing me to a sad, dark place; but the biggest is the sound of a newborn cry. It was a perfectly pleasant day. I was out with my husband. Sunday is our Together Day. We… Continue reading The Trigger
When we found out that I was pregnant, we wanted to share it with our families in a memorable way. This was Lincoln’s first introduction to his extended family. We have so many beautiful memories from my pregnancy. I cherish these moments with him. *Warning: Some Language from shocked family members
A couple weeks after I got out of the hospital, I started hearing this question a lot, “Is it going to be hard to go back to work with all those kids?” I am a preschool teacher, but I work in a small childcare with a couple of babies and toddlers in the other… Continue reading Ms. Janelle’s Baby in Heaven
The first day of September brought me heaviness. I could feel is coming: Autumn. It brings the change of weather. It brings me one season closer to the holidays, and to one year since losing a piece of myself. In previous years, September would already mean humming Christmas carols as I bake pumpkin bread; just… Continue reading It Feels Like Fall
If you could change one thing about your grief, what would it be? Last month I attended my first grief support group. I was incredibly nervous. It wasn’t specific to baby loss and I wasn’t sure if I’d feel comfortable airing out my feelings. I was in tears before even walking inside. That day,… Continue reading What I Would Change
It’s something I didn’t think of. I wasn’t expecting it. The first time it happened, it knocked the wind out of me and left me curled up on the couch in tears. Like so many moms, when I found out that I was pregnant, I signed up for weekly emails about the growth of… Continue reading I’ve Been Banned from Checking the Mail
How much should I share with strangers? How honest should I be? Should I spare them the awkward moment and spare myself the looks of pity? I’m faced with this decision on a regular basis. Teaching preschool requires some professional development. It has never been my favorite way to spend a Saturday morning,… Continue reading The Ever-Awkward Icebreakers
