This is new. This is surreal. This is incredibly scary. Pregnancy After Loss. Since Lincoln died, it no longer feels like a pregnancy guarantees that a baby will be in my arms 9 months from now. On March 22nd, a little pink strip told me what I already knew deep down in my gut. First… Continue reading Big Brother Lincoln
2016 seems to have been difficult for a lot of people. It has sure been a hard one for me. I ended 2015 in the worst way possible: I lost my son. I also ended 2015 in the very best way possible: I got to meet my son, and hold him in my arms. In… Continue reading The New Year
On December 22nd of last year, I was lying in a hospital bed, holding my lifeless son in my arms. My body was broken. My heart was crushed. This life that I had created, was no longer. And nobody even knew. My cellphone buzzed all day. Social media stirred. Happy birthday wishes waited for me.… Continue reading Don’t Forget Him
*introduction: As you struggle through your own grief journey, I understand that the subject of God can be a touchy one. That being said, this subject has been a very large, and painful part of my journey. Therefore, it is important for me to share it honestly. If you don’t relate to this part of… Continue reading God’s Perfect Timing
I started hearing it almost immediately. Even before I got discharged from the hospital. Even before I had recovered enough to return to work. Even before I brought my son home in an urn. “You’re so strong.” In the earliest months, these words held very little meaning for me. Strong? Me? I could barely… Continue reading Strength in Pain
It’s true what they say about grief: once you’ve lost someone, your life will always be separated into two categories. It will have a Before and it will have an After. It’s a strange separation. It’s hard to remember things clearly from before I lost Lincoln. Things feel a little fuzzy, including my pregnancy. It… Continue reading Before and After
It can happen anywhere, at any unexpected time. There are a number of things that can alter my mood, bringing me to a sad, dark place; but the biggest is the sound of a newborn cry. It was a perfectly pleasant day. I was out with my husband. Sunday is our Together Day. We… Continue reading The Trigger
A couple weeks after I got out of the hospital, I started hearing this question a lot, “Is it going to be hard to go back to work with all those kids?” I am a preschool teacher, but I work in a small childcare with a couple of babies and toddlers in the other… Continue reading Ms. Janelle’s Baby in Heaven
If you could change one thing about your grief, what would it be? Last month I attended my first grief support group. I was incredibly nervous. It wasn’t specific to baby loss and I wasn’t sure if I’d feel comfortable airing out my feelings. I was in tears before even walking inside. That day,… Continue reading What I Would Change
How much should I share with strangers? How honest should I be? Should I spare them the awkward moment and spare myself the looks of pity? I’m faced with this decision on a regular basis. Teaching preschool requires some professional development. It has never been my favorite way to spend a Saturday morning,… Continue reading The Ever-Awkward Icebreakers
