life after loss

2021

2021 was a rollercoaster and a monumental year for me. It was a year of huge life change and new experiences.
I’ve gained new friendships and have nurtured existing ones.
I’ve made wonderful, lasting memories.
I’ve taken trips and I’ve eaten some of the most incredible food I’ve ever had.
I’ve learned that fear can protect you.
But it can also destroy you, hold you back, and steal experiences away from you.
I’ve learned more about love and relationships in this year than I have in my lifetime. I’ve learned more about people, and about grace and compassion and understanding. I’ve learned to recognize why people behave the way they do, and that it has very little to do with me and everything to do with their own history and health.


I’ve recognized that sometimes you have to let people go. Even when it feels like you’re supposed to hold them tight.
I’ve learned to put myself first and to prioritize my own wants and needs over what others expect from me.
I’ve learned that it’s better to hurt someone and allow them to heal, than it is to stay quiet out of guilt or fear.
I’ve become more honest with myself, and with those around me. 
I’ve learned that love is simple. But relationships are complex.
I’ve learned that you can make a relationship work with just about anyone, when the love is there. But some relationships will take more work than others.
And I’ve also learned that love’s existence doesn’t always mean things will work out.
I’ve experienced new forms of heartbreak.
And some at my own hand. 
I’ve loved.
And I’ve lost.
And I’ve loved some more.
I’ve faced things that I had buried deep for a lot of years.
I’ve seen the highest of highs, in choosing myself.
And have seen the lowest of lows from the very same thing.
I’m seeing that life is all about balance.
It’s darkness and light.
Grief and joy.
Happiness and pain.
Fear and courage. 
Discipline, but giving yourself grace.
I’m still learning.
I’m still healing.
I’m still growing.
I’m still working on finding my balance.
This year has been hard.
Especially in the more recent months.
But when I really reflect back, it’s also been incredibly special and important.
I’ll keep moving forward, and I’ll keep learning.
It’s the best I can do.

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