life after loss

One Year- Messages from Mom and Dad

​One Year…. It doesn’t seem possible. Life has kept moving at its usual, steady pace; even though I dragged my feet through part of the year.  It was hard to go back to real life, accepting that this is our truth. We have no choice but to move on without you. We are moving on; but baby, I promise you we will never forget.  I have had some defining moments over this last year: times when I found specific things that helped me come out of depressions. These things have always come back to you. It would never make any sense to leave you behind. The only way I keep making it through the days, is by remembering you; by fighting for you; by trying to make you proud. You have changed me in the deepest, most irrevocable way. I will never be who I used to be. Now I am so much better: I have more compassion. I have less fear. I am stronger, braver, more confident in my abilities. I have hope for bigger, better things to come. This is all thanks to you. You are a special baby boy. You have touched so many people. I could not have asked for a more perfect little angel. Thank you, Lincoln, for choosing me. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for filling my life with more love than I ever knew was possible. And thank you for making me a mommy, on this day, one year ago. I love you, I love you, I love you. I could never say it enough. -Mom

One year ago today, Janelle and I experienced the most painful hurt imaginable: losing our baby boy. No matter the hardships we had faced before this, nothing had, or ever will compare to such devastation. We left the hospital last Christmas Eve with empty arms, and the most numbing shock and disbelief. Entering our home, and passing room-to-room, we relived the agony of his absence; and attempted to realize what life was going to be without our perfect little angel. No matter how earth-shattering this pain was, we knew that life wouldn’t just stop and allow for us to come to terms with our grief in delicate time. The World kept moving, and we found ourselves caught in a whirlwind of stress and emotions. It took us a long while to find a sort-of stride; and although we’re still living with this pain, we have been finding solace in the most unexpected of places. Friends have stepped forward, and taken on the difficult task of helping us rebuild who we are. Strangers have opened our eyes to the community of people learning his story; and ensured that Lincoln will live on in the hearts and minds of countless others. Family has embraced that Lincoln will forever be a part of our large entourage, and have encouraged that we include him in all our future celebrations. We’ve fought hard this past year, to preserve the memories of that terrible day, no matter how difficult; because they’re all we’ll get with Lincoln. With each passing day, we’re a little further from the moment when he entered (and exited) this world; and while there’s pain in that thought, we remind ourselves that every one of those days is filled with opportunities to make Lincoln proud. We will make you proud, beautiful boy. Thank you, Link, for making this world a little brighter for us, despite the cloudy weather. -Dad

Photo Credit: A Storybook Moment Photography 

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